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| Saturday, 14-May-2005 00:00 |
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one more weeek......
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| Monday, 25-Apr-2005 00:00 |
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1 day and one week...
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The countdown (kinda belated i know) starts...
I wonder would it be a countdown to my own self destruction (bloody hell hope not!) or would I even give a damn to this countdown (it would probably be too late by the time, i'll become concern about it).
<heh>
What this countdown is all about you ask. It is the countdown to the end of a chapter of my life....
Time moves on and I have to move along~ <hmm...>
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| Saturday, 23-Apr-2005 00:00 |
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Nice? Nice... Nice! Screw you...
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<PS - This is after I've uploaded everything onto my page, I wrote another looonng entry. So take your time or don't have to read now. It is just me rambling.. heh...gomen & enjoy>
What does being nice mean? Why do people associate nice as "being nice to someone"? Does that mean that a "nice" person is not actually a "nice" person unless he or she help other person?
That sounds too self serving and perverse. Why are you measuring it like that?
Does doing something necessary, which benefits everyone, not just a particular someone be considered "nice"? Does that mean that you are being "extra nice" to that particular person who thinks that your action is for their benefit?
Seriously when you think about it, there are not a lot of genuinely nice (kinda selfless) people, it is not a natural state of being. It takes a different kind of courage (especially in this day of age) to be nice. Because, like love, it is a frequently misunderstood word/attitude/behaviour/philosophy (choose your favourite drug). Because, unlike love (or maybe like love), being nice is not a state of being, it is a state of doing. Doing what's necessary, what's right, doing all that you can do within your capacity and maybe beyond that. Being nice, is a selfless act - no one needs to know about it (expect for the person that you help, perhaps) and there should (theoritically) no calculated motive behind. You just do it.
If you are a really nice person, you do it all the time, every time regardless of the place, the situation and maybe even the person (now it would seem that these nice people sounds like sluts <heh>). But even then that's is quite extreme, as one selfless act is hard to do, much less selfless acts. "There should be something in it for me" is what echoes in people's mind, quite innocently at most times, which is for the best I guess. I guess these selfless people need to be selfmore or perhaps pick and choose who they are able to help without too much consequences to them.
Which would defeat the purpose, you say. But to help people, you need to help yourself first. So to be nice to other people, one needs to be nice to oneself and be selfless to yourself. Nice people need to, or rather people close to this nice people need to realise that there is so much one person can take upon themselves. Sometimes, some things got to give and chances it would be you, you the nice person, as people would take advantage of you.
So, why do people measure "niceness" by the so called nice things people do for or to other people. Keeping in mind that being nice could be all a hoax, it is easy and simple to just observe other people's behaviour and assume that their attitude and beliefs are in line with their behaviour. This can be true for some but not for all. We should actually measure a person's kindness in what that person does everyday with everyone in every situation. In reality, it is the small things that counts when you measure kindness. Does that make sense?
The weird thing is that, we take act of kindness and selflessness for granted. We would take without thinking but thinking a shed load of time when we give. When we think, aside of whether "can I help this person?" and maybe "am I able to do justice to this person?" or even "do I have time to help this person?", it becomes seriously calculated. Which is a pity; I think that everyone has the ability to make countless selfless acts. If that is what they want to do in the first place.
We triumph with glory and fail with shit~
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| Thursday, 21-Apr-2005 00:00 |
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Faces of Comrade
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<Hey, do you think I changed much? (sic)>
<What do you mean?>
<I mean, it's been ages since you saw me. Do you think i've changed? (sic)>
<Darling, of course you have changed. We all changed. But at the core, you are still who you are. (sic)>
<You're still the old you. (sic)>
Thank you for your wisdom, your patience, your brand of humour, your trust, your honesty and your love.
Happy birthday~
-------------------------------------------------------------<break<------
I read in a blog (http://vbglau.blogspot.com) that commented on whether a certain type of student (or not) would be more sucessful in comparison to other students. Apparently, in the recent SPM results, a girl has sucessfully gotten 17 A1s in her SPM (good for her), so the author of the blog stated that highly successful academic students are no more likely (or even less likely) to be sucessful in the real world incomparison to the other students (n.b. After the author's comment below, I realised that this sentence of mine is misleading, so this is what Vincent [the author] meant) . Do not mistake his statement as a statement of a disgruntled academically challenged individual, he is a self proclaimed genius (I do not know the author personally).
His attitude stemmed from his father's and sister's sucesses which they have done good without the benefit of a "wonderful" certificate that could have stated the level of their intelligence in its reductionist's glory. I guess it is good that he can see that intelligence is a not a measure of one's sucess. But I feel that he miss a couple of points.
Intelligence is not a uni dimensional construct (this statement is still under contention by the powers that be). Although most academic based exams are just measuring a certain type of intelligence, intelligence in its entirety is more complicated than whether you can score a certain grade in a certain subject. One can be naturally intelligent or naturally hardworking or naturally lucky or none of the above. One can be dumb, lazy and unlucky but if you have the will to change, the will to become and the will to be, you can change your situation.
As the author noted in his blog, what is a measure of sucess anyway? The amount of money one gain? Maybe. Job satisfaction? Too much variable, i think. The problem with this discussion is that the terms are broad and the definitions given are insufficient and/or too narrow. It also does not help that the value of intelligence and success is culturally driven. In all, it is heap of mess.
Anyways, people should be value for their capabilities, as there is always a limit to what you can do and there would always be people who are at a higher or lower level than you are...said the academically challeged person <heh>. Furthermore, people's potential is people's potential and it is limitless but the potential is dependant on many, many factors (some stated above).
Life is never that simple, never that clear - that's what this academically challenged individual believes 
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| Monday, 18-Apr-2005 00:00 |
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short n0t3
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~ Maggie & Ying ~
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Just need to write this down before I forget. I think my forgetfulness makes me such a bad blogger, of course the fact that I'm lousy at writing doesn't help either...<heh>
People do not realise that you play a major role in the life's of people close to you. A role that only you (or a selected few) can do for that individual. We all serve a purpose; we deliver a certain service that helps preserve the bonds that tie us to them. With that preservation of bonds, we actually help to preserve them as well ourselves. I guess the roles that we play in people's life should be a prescription, a way to help all of us to live to our best capacity. But the service that one can provide can become unknowingly addictive. Especially when the provider(s) is stable and dependable, the provided could become a dependent, lost because of the ties that bond us...tightly.
I guess what I want to say is you have the Power. The Power to make or break a person. Your words can heal or kill an individual. Your feelings could free or suffocate them. Your actions could be an illustration or a confusion to people. Your attitudes could support or cripple them.
Is thy name Subversion or Empowerment?
But since a relationship, at its best, is a two way road, the corruption can corrupt you too, as the provider and vice versa. So be careful of the Power that you hold, for "with great power comes great responsibility". You said it Aunt May...<heh>
<"When are you coming to see me?">
G'nite~
<21/4/2005> Finally I can put the pictures that I wanted to put along with the blog.
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| Thursday, 14-Apr-2005 00:00 |
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14|04
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~oriental lilies~
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Hmm...do you ever feel like Life is trying to consume you? Trying to suck the life out of you? Completely and absolutely shattering your belief system. Well, today is such a day for someone that I know.
What do you do when you do not know what to do and what's more, you can not do anything about it? I do not know the details about the problem but it seems that it is one of those situations, "when it rains, it pours". I get the feeling that it is actually much more worse than what the person let on but hey, it is hard to come to term with the problem and that person is probably still in shock.
It makes the whole issue, so much harder when you are a type of person who does not like to have too many attachments (with other people). It gets worse when the people that you are close with, your support system, are not (a) in the country or (b) you just had a misunderstanding with. Life is a bitch, eh. The new is so bad, that you have to tell someone, anyone....even someone like me.
That's how I know how scared you are....
This is no comfort but have faith. For at the end of the day, what is left is your beliefs, your will...
It is okay to be scared, for what are we but human ~
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| Tuesday, 12-Apr-2005 00:00 |
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Assalamulaikum ~ Konnichiwa ~ Hello ~
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<heh> it has been ages since i did anything on this fotopage.
I'm actually surprise there are some people that do check my page when it has been almost a month of no activity (probably some people just crawled to this page by accident).
-Anyways-
I'm sorry for the inactivity, Life has been pretty hectic. With all the new workload, brain strain and trying to keep up with my "nefarious" anime downloads, somethings got to give. Which are mainly keeping in touch with my friends ( ) , buying mangas ( ), the upkeeping of my fotopage ( ); even my photography has suffered. I have not taken any pictures (excluding work pictures) ever since Maggs left the country ( ).
Well some updates on my ::animes watched::
Quite a lot of series have ended recently. One had a seriously lousy and anticlimatic ending, which pissed me off (BECK)  , some ending was kinda dissapointing but it was okay, the production probably wanted to make the fans "happy", after killing almost everyone in the show. Maybe, who knows (Mai-Hime). Some endings were kinda confusing (because I did not see the last few episodes leading to final episode) but were good and befitted the respective animes' storylines (Samurai Champloo & Tactics).
Not downloading any new series, just two old ones:
Tenshi na Konamaika (TnK) (Tokyo Movie Shinsha, 2002 - 2003) http://anidb.info/perl-bin/animedb.pl?show=anime&aid=75 go here for info.
Tennis no Ouji-sama (PoT) (Production I.G., 2001 - 2005) http://anidb.info/perl-bin/animedb.pl?show=anime&aid=56 go here for info.
TnK started quite silly but now, midway, has become more interesting. PoT is a shounen anime, so it is fast paced and quite interesting .
I will be (God willing) putting some pictures online, most likely pictures of Maggs, Cherie, Ying and JF. Or maybe, as a beacon of hope for good warm weather to come soon, I would put up some pictures from last summer. There are loads of creepy crawlies pictures that I did not manage to put last time.
Take care, I'll be in touch~
<heh> beware.
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| Tuesday, 15-Mar-2005 00:00 |
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when love dies...
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the flower of...
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the forsaken...
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~anemone~
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...do you regret it? What is it that you regret? The time that passed? The feeling that might have been false? The love that was not meant for you? What are you thinking....
when love dies....how do you let it go? was it easy? or maybe that's an oversimplification. did it hurt? did it hurt to say that this is the end of the road. that we have come to the end of the road. do you believe that the love that was once there...has split the road beneath our feet.
It is time to let go. it is time to untwain. for we forgot that we were two individuals in love. two bodies with one soul, we were not.
But if the love is dead, letting it go is the right thing, isn't it? For love, it is time, to untwain...
<heh>
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| Saturday, 5-Mar-2005 00:00 |
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|5|March|2005|
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Hello, Konnichiwa...kinda sad that my mapanese (read previous entry to understand) partner already went back.
It has been a seriously stressful week...ppl going, ppl coming, ppl being a bitch/prick, making me wanna be a crazy mad bitch (i have mellowed down in my old age - i feel old - maybe i have mellowed a bit too much).
It has been an interesting, a full-of-revelations-kind of week. It would take me some time to assimilate everything...but it was interesting and I think we (okay, I) learnt something...sigh...I need to stop getting revelations...it is a perverse and dubious ability of mine...<heh>
The catchphrase of the week ~psuedo relationship or quasi-relationship~ You have heard it hear first.
People should listen to Franz Ferdinand and their self titled album...I have nothing much to comment about them because I have not gotten around to listen to their words and lyrics together properly. But they have a funky sound.
People should listen to Alicia Keys - The Diary of Alicia Keys - all I can say is that she is a Star. Absolutely brilliant, I have only recently listened to her songs properly, listening to her words, listening to the way she expresses those words, her choices of music and rhythm. She is a genius.
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| Friday, 25-Feb-2005 00:00 |
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Ja ne /good bye/
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Tonight....Is the the last night for a member of our East London Japanese Anime & Manga Club/Society (actually our gathering has no name but I came with the bright idea to name it so. Originally, the East London was suppose to be Malaysia, but an outsider vetoed it...sigh...an outsider!! Shawa, are you reading this...hahaha....memain aje Kak Wawa...he he he  )
The club/society (the term is interchangeable) was not created, it just became - we were four people who discovered the wonders of japanese anime, manga and language (for some of the members) and we thought that we within the malay community in East London, we had no one, no one to share our growing interest (and for some people, growing desire  )in it.
Lo and behold - it was like Kismet drew us together (although we already knew each other then) and we truly discovered each other. Oi...nothing kinky happened during the process of becoming this society, this is just me overdramatising it. Anyways, we started downloading animes, reading each other's manga collection and borrowing each other's anime collection.
And for, our fond friend's final gathering, Nurul chan (she is leaving tomorrow), we had out first and only manga outing in Central London, Tottenham Court Road to be specific (why it took so long, we will never know). We went to the purveyors of japanese manga and anime (i.e. Forbidden Planet and Orbital Comics)...ohhed and ahhed over the glossy covers and gorgoeously drawn characters, sly glimpses at the new plots of current mangas or a quick read of new interesting mangas. Some of us fought a failing battle against the desire to buy mangas that we wanted (but how could anyone not buy it...said the otaku).
We ended the outing by taking some pictures, some at Orbital Comics, which I have to say is my favourite place to buy manga (although they do sell comics and other stuff of similar interest as well), the owner, Damien, is a cool (or kakkoii in japanese, yes, I have been pulled to learn some of the lovely language instead of just reading the english adaptation  ) proprietor and his staffs, James and Rachel, if I am not wrong (don't kill me if it is wrong, I'm bad with names) are lovely, lovely people, and just love to help you to buy manga/comic/model/other stuffs that the shops sells (not in bad salesperson type of way, they are very helpful).
This shop (Orbital), compared to the other two purveyors of similar interests (Forbidden Planet (FP) and Gosh), usually have the most competitive prices for manga (don't know about the others), although it is a good practice to check the prices at FP, as they might sell it at a cheaper price. But if the manga is sold at the same price, and there is no other intervening factors (i.e. laziness and/or tiredness), I will usually will get the manga at Orbital, I just like their atmosphere better and of course if you know the proprietor, you can ask him to order some mangas in. Actually, you do not have to actually know him but if you come to his store regularly, he will ask you. Okay enough, promotion...hahaha.... but seriously if you want your manga served with good service, good prices and sold in a cool, funky atmosphere (heh), Orbital is the place to go.
Umm...where did the mood go...
As I said there are four of us (and then there were three...), Amira and Nurul are the artists of the club, they are the one interested in learning the language, learning how to draw manga, ohhed and ahhed at cutely (or handsomely) drawn male characters (it is kind of sad sometimes, but this is what some people would call passion ). Nina, is the serious reader of manga and watcher of animes - she would not read just any manga nor watch just any anime. She likes to thinks she has taste...she actually has great taste (heh). So far, all the manga and anime that she has chosen has ranged from good to excellent. I am, now, more interested to learn the language, I'm pretty much the pragmatic character in the club. I am the one who knows where and how to d/l animes, where to find cheap manga and I do, secretly, ohhed and ahhed at gorgoeusly drawn manga characters, although I am not a sexist, I do it equally for both gender....hahaha (yes...a silly attempt to not look pathectic). I am also the one who would come out with crazy ideas, like naming our gathering and we started to learn to speak japanese,so we would mix it in while talking in malay or english - I decided call it Mapanese (Malay and Japanese), like Manglish. Mixed language...what a weird but interesting part of society. The things I think of...hai...
Tomorrow, I am going to miss her~
I will hope for the best for her, hope that she would always be laughing, be a bit more crazy, a bit more baka, be doing what she wants to do and be healthy and genki (well). What else can I wish for her....Ganbatte, good luck and don't be afraid to move forward
But I would not have much time to miss her, because as she leaves, one by one, my mates would be coming to London, starting tomorrow...as well.
But when my mates leave, I would still miss her friendship
Doumo Arigatou gouzaimasu ~ I appreciate our crazy time together and hopefully we will have time to do it again, insya'allah
We will all miss and love you, Nurul ~(", ~)
~Signing off~ (Sigh...another long one) (- -')
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